You get what you pay for, and apparently I paid for tetanus."
—Brenda L., Fort Worth, TX
Brought my twins for the “Raptor Petting Zoo.” Left with a strong suspicion those weren’t actual raptors. One of them hissed “Karen” at me before stealing my purse. Security offered me a coupon for a churro. The churro was also a mistake.

⭐⭐⭐☆☆
"Chaos. Mayhem. A surprising amount of glitter."
—Derek S., Albuquerque, NM
If you like your dinosaurs with side-eye and sideboob, this is the place. The T-Rex had a mullet and what I think was a grill. Pretty sure the Triceratops was vaping. My kids had the time of their lives. My wife has not spoken to me since.

⭐☆☆☆☆
"Saw a dino fight a raccoon over a funnel cake. Would not return."
—Linda M., Sarasota, FL
The velociraptor had a nose ring and kept trying to sell me crypto. Buck rode in on a Segway dressed as a Flintstone and shouted “Welcome to the THUNDERDOME!”

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"So bad it looped back around to amazing."
—Kyle W., Austin, TX
Was it safe? No.
Was it sanitary? Also no.

⭐⭐☆☆☆
"Dino-sized disappointment."
—Tanya B., Tulsa, OK
The stegosaurus photobombed our family portrait by vomiting behind my husband. Somehow, still better than Chuck E. Cheese.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"A spiritual journey."
—Ethan G., Portland, OR
Went ironically. Stayed unironically. Buck signed my forehead with a Sharpie and whispered “We’re all extinct on the inside.” 10/10 would emotionally unravel here again.

Joe Jurassic Special Edition Hardcover